Appointments Post

[fearless_leader]

This post is for monotonous interactions that are too small for a log or main post.

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[honorthecode.livejournal.com]

[Leo makes the position look so easy. But at least he's not making him kneel? Leo has a feeling this isn't a social call though. Robert's there for a reason and it's probably not meditating.]

Did Don suggest it?

[semper_cogitans]

[Is it really that obvious? But Robert nods a little hesitantly, after a moment.]

... He said it might be... mutually beneficial.

...

Though I... a-am not certain exactly what he wants us to discuss in regards to it...

[honorthecode.livejournal.com]

[Well, it was his first guess. He wonders what Don was thinking though.]

Hm, I'm sure he had a reason. But...I have noticed we do tend to do similar things. [Like the cleaning.]

[semper_cogitans]

... D-Do you have that same... need to do them? The compulsion...? [Robert fidgets suddenly, wringing his fingers - that's another common one from him, as Leo should know well by now.] ... And... does it make decisions... difficult, sometimes?

[honorthecode.livejournal.com]

I have a want to get things right, to do things right. Training, cooking, keeping things clean.

[He closes his eyes for a moment. Leo's noticed that.]

But working with three brothers, I've also learned to compromise. [Because his brothers aren't always perfect.]

[semper_cogitans]

How do you... separate the compulsions, then? [How does he stop himself from being paralyzed by indecision? How does he stop himself from locking up and running away rather than failing?]

[honorthecode.livejournal.com]

[And Leo hasn't failed?]

It depends on the situation. For me it's easier to push it aside in battle, than it is in normal things.

I focus on what's at hand. Getting what needs to be done, done. Can deal with the consequences later.

[semper_cogitans]

[Not to Robert. Or at least, Robert's never seen Leo doing anything he'd describe as failing.]

So... f-focusing on... on what is necessary to do rather than... the ways it could go wrong...?

[honorthecode.livejournal.com]

Yes, it helps you to accomplish more. [He regards Robert for a moment, watching his reactions and expressions.]

Have you been having issues?

[semper_cogitans]

[He nods, a little shamefully.]

... I... I often find myself... having difficulty doing anything, because... because I worry I will... fail.

And... and then I end up doing nothing at all...

[honorthecode.livejournal.com]

A wise man once told me that someone who never fails, never learns. [Of course he's changed a couple of words, but it's basically the same.]

Striving for perfection is fine. But it's also fine to not always be perfect. It's what you do after those failures that matters.

[semper_cogitans]

[It is very difficult to take this advice to heart, but Robert is trying.]

I feel like I am... l-letting everybody down, though... and, and if I get it wrong, then... h-how do I face everyone I have failed...?

[honorthecode.livejournal.com]

I know the feeling all too well. [Especially when his family was injured because of it. Beaten himself up mentally over it. Or in the more recent case, pushed the others to be better, while pushing himself. He glances away from Robert, staring at something else.]

Facing them can be hard. You might not want to. But don't push them away either. Most people can be more forgiving and supportive than you think. Though sometimes they need a bit of time.

[semper_cogitans]

[Robert's gaze slides to the floor in penance, but he nods slowly. Leo is right, of course. It makes sense.]

... I... I always hope so...

... P-Perhaps I am lucky, that... so many people I know are... w-willing to forgive my flaws.

[Quietly:] I would... still rather not have them at all, though...

[honorthecode.livejournal.com]

What are friends for? [It's a rhetorical question of course. He looks back at Robert.] They look past the flaws and the issues and still want to be with you.

Robert, everybody has flaws, everyone makes mistakes. If everyone was perfect, we'd live in a boring world. [But it doesn't stop some from trying to be perfect.]

[semper_cogitans]

[Both of them try far too hard to be perfect.]

... It just feels... th-that I owe them... something better...

[Especially Don. He should never give Don problems...]

... A-And, and failing is... d-discouraging, but... [Robert knows he should keep trying. It's just hard to rationalize that.]

[honorthecode.livejournal.com]

The best thing you can give anyone, is yourself. Good friends will accept what you can do.

[He sighs, he's starting to get ideas in his head.]

Are you worried Don will think down on you? Push you away?

[semper_cogitans]

...

S-Sometimes, yes. Sometimes I... w-worry I do not deserve him...

[That isn't easy to admit, and he wrings his hands in his lap, suddenly almost ashamed.]

[honorthecode.livejournal.com]

[Leo lets out a sigh, rubbing at his forehead for a moment.]

Things happen for a reason, Robert. If you two weren't meant for each other, you wouldn't be together at all.

[semper_cogitans]

[He knows it's probably a silly thing to worry about. But he worries anyway.]

...

... I have... m-made mistakes before, and... and... w-well. I suppose sometimes I... f-fear I might repeat them, and... ruin everything.

[He's afraid to say any specifics... but Leo might notice Robert fiddling with his sleeves, close to his wrists, as he speaks.]

[honorthecode.livejournal.com]

[He notes the fiddling. Suddenly he reaches out and grabs the mans hand/arm to stop it.]

You've made mistakes getting since getting here. Have Don or anyone else you know just walked away from you? Never spoken to you again?

[semper_cogitans]

...

[It takes a few moments before he responds, and when he does his voice is small and tight and... well, reluctant-sounding.]

... No...

[It doesn't feel real, sometimes. It doesn't feel... normal.]

... But, but... th-that always happened before...

[honorthecode.livejournal.com]

There's your problem. [His voice turns almost...gentle, like he was trying to help one of his brothers.]

Don't lump everyone into the same thinking. It's not fair to judge everyone close to you on a few bad apples. Not everyone is going to walk away forever.

[semper_cogitans]

[The gentle tone helps ease all those insecurities out of Robert, and they spill out almost without him trying. He hunches over somewhat, as though making himself smaller and quieter might make Leo forget he's there.]

I-I was always... alone at home... a-and, and here has... has been so different. I... I am a-always afraid I will... make the same m-mistakes and... and go back to being alone.

... E-Even if... in s-some ways, it was... easier.

[... He doesn't readily admit any of this.]